


Ache for You

by DreamingIsReality



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: BoyxBoy, Gay, Love, M/M, Sad, Tears, War, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 13:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingIsReality/pseuds/DreamingIsReality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is away at war while Harry is home by himself, they can't contact each other only threw letters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ache for You

_Dear Zayn,_

_I miss you a lot. I know I begin every letter like this but I just want you to know that. I hate waking up without your warm body beside me & a kiss on my forehead and how you would tell me each morning how beautiful you think I am, when in reality you’re the beautiful one. You’ve always been beautiful since I first laid eyes on you all those years ago, the way your brown eyes sparkled with the sunlight & how your black hair always seemed to turn lighter. I miss that smile that would always come when you seen your favourite things like when we would walk in the winter & it would snow and you would just have a wide smile spread across your face. _

_Winter was always you’re favourite time of the year. You say it was because of the snow, you always seemed to love the stuff with a passion, you said it was because it made everything look beautiful once it was covered in a white blanket. Another reason you loved winter was because you’re birthday was right in the middle of winter January 12 to be exact. You would always hate when I went over board and buy you everything & organize a big party which has been every year since I’ve known you. Once the end of the night would come you would give me a sweet kiss & say a big thank you and saying how I didn’t have to do all this because I was the only thing that you would want, but I was always reply with nonsense you deserve all this & everything that I planned because you are amazing and that I love you. You’d always laugh and we would go out to coffee at that little café you were in love with; we would stay their for hours at a time just laughing and talking about everything._

_I really miss not having you by my side which is hard to deal with because ever since we got together we have been joined at each other’s hips. Everyone said that we wouldn’t last because we were in the ‘honey moon’ faze but we proved them all wrong. We had our fights that one of us usually ran away in tears, which was mostly me but you always ran after me. I never told you how much I loved it when you ran after me and would continue to hold on to me & you toke all my nasty words and you would whisper sweet things in my ear until I calmed down. I always felt bad after it but you never let me because you always said it was you’re fault for being a ass, but I knew it was my fault. _

_I know you’re gone away to help save our country like the brave man you are & I respect you do much for it. When I herd you were going away to war I was terrified I would loose you & never get to see or hear you again but you quickly calmed me. You told me that everything will be fine & you will get home every once & a while and you kept you’re promise. Also you promised me that you would never leave me since we first started dating & ever since the day you told me you kept that promise, you never let me go and I love you so much for it. I know I am not the easiest person to get along with I am awkward & I tend to loose my temper easily; also I am a very emotional person as you know I cry over a sad movie, I am like a teenage girl & you always tell me how adorable I am when I act like one. I always hit you playfully while you laugh you’re head off at my face and we end up cuddling on the couch eating pizza. I just can’t wait for you to come home again I just miss you so much! & I’ll never stop until the day I die even then I will still love you from up in heaven. Can’t wait too see you baby. I love & miss you. _

_Much love, Harry_

_Dear Harry,_

_I miss you too so much honestly I don’t know how I mange this, everyday I wake up alone in my bunk when I actually sleep and all I want is to be holding you in my arms, I miss your warmth so much.  I love getting your letters I keep everyone with me in my pockets when I am fighting. I know this may sound cheesy but they give me strength and they help me feel like I have a piece of you with me when I fighting._

_I wish I was home with you in our flat and we could just cuddle all day and laugh at the strangest shows like we used to do. I miss you so much it physically  hurts to be away from you, a few people I’ve become friends with around here let me vent to them like they are you because they know how much I miss you, it works to some extent  but not much because I know it’s not the real you… the one that I want to be with me in my arms._

_Also I miss your dimples! The way you would always smile at me with a nig dimpled grim that would always make me so happy._

_I miss our afternoon walks. I miss when we would have races to see who would win and you would always win and I would come up behind you & take you by the waist and press soft kisses on your neck, hearing your giggle. Then you would pout at me for cheating and I’d kiss the pout right off your lips!_

_I also miss our lazy days we have together where we both just laze around & watch movies and eat till we’re sick. I miss so much about our life back inLondon& I wish I was their with you now, but I’m not I am defending our country to keep you & everyone safe._

_I often keep our wedding picture in a sack that I have to carry with me everywhere. I look at it every break we get and smile at the perfection of the picture. It’s the picture of us at the alter smiling at each other holding hands. You’re eyes are shining so beautiful & it captures your beautiful face perfect. We both have matching smiles on our face that makes us look like idiots, but who it don’t matter because we were in love & still are to this day and I plan on keeping it like that. I were my wedding bane everyday I don’t dare take it off its reminder of you & it makes me smile._

_I am counting down the days till I get to come home and see you, every single day. Right now I have a week left before I get to come home to you. I can’t wait till I can hold you in my arms & hug and kiss you when ever I want._

_I know you didn’t like the idea of me going off to fight in this war but I am glad you let me come even if it broke yours & myself heart at the same time.  I know you had a tuff like & you were afraid that I would leave you but I didn’t & I would never leave you because I love you too much, you are my Haz and I love you with all my heart & you have to remember that._

_I can’t wait to come home & see your handsome face and kiss you and just hug you and never let you go. I love you so much H and I’ll never stop, see you in a week._

_Very much love,_

_Zayn_

_Dear Zayn,_

 

_I read your letter yesterday sitting on our window sill that we both love so much. I was drinking a cup of tea while reading it, I won’t lie a few tears fell.  I should also tell you that I keep all of your letters too! I keep them in this special box that I hide under our bed, its also filled with my favourite pictures of us. One picture was taken during the winter we were playing in the snow or at least I was. I was making a snow angle when you came over and bent down until you were a few centimetres above me, just staring into my eyes with so much love & passion.  We were staring into each others eyes like someone would stare into space. We both had snowflakes in our hair and rosy red cheeks but that didn’t bother us because we kept smiling with the picture was taken.  _

 

_Another picture is during the summer, we were gone cliff diving remember? It was me, you and Niall & Louis along with Liam. That day was amazing. I believe it was Louis that toke that picture, it was when me & you jumped off the cliff holding our hands together while we jumped. I was so scared to do it & You told me to take your hand & that you wouldn’t let anything happen to me and you never.  _

 

 

_As you always say its me & you against the world._

 

_I also miss our movie days where we would do nothing but laugh and cuddle like a bunch of teenagers even if we were 23 & 24, which is just another thing I love about you.  When we are together we always act like children and I love it so much. I remember this one time we went to the fair & we saw the teacup and we both ran to them as if they were calling us, once we were on them and they started moving me and you spinned it so much it almost made us sick but yet we went on them five more times after that._

 

 

_I too keep our wedding picture on the nightstand and I often pick it up while I am laying in bed awake thinking of you.  I just look at it and smile it’s the picture we’re we were at the alter & it was time for us to kiss. You can see all of our passion threw that one kiss and how much we love each other. It’s like the love is oozing out of the picture like lava in a volcano. I love the picture so much its like my whole life into  one picture._

 

 

_Often as I sleep in bed alone thinking of you and all our happy moment our first kiss comes to my mind.  I still remember it like it was yesterday, we were running late to go out with our friends and it was poring rain and being the fools that we are we’re running in it. I remember I tripped up in my own to feet & you were laughing at me and hitting you knee, I pouted at you and stretched out my arm for you to take my hand, once you calmed down you did. Then you pulled me up a little to hard and I ended up bumping into your chest and I looked up to be met with your memorizing eyes that I love oh so much.  Our faces kept getting closer & closer I remember I was freaking out because I had this huge crush on you but soon enough our lips touched and I felt tingles shooting threw my body. I also remember like feeling like I was on cloud 9, and your lips were really soft but I loved them so much.  _

 

 

_You’re coming home in a week! That is amazing I can’t wait to see you or hug you & just be in the same room as you. I miss you so much words can’t describe it. I can’t wait till you get home I miss your cuddles and soft kisses._

 

 

_I miss your touch so much too. I just want you to hold me tight & never let me go again and just whisper sweet things in my ear that will make me smile.  I also miss your voice and how it would be the first thing that would wake me up in the morning and the past thing I herd before I slept._

 

_To sum it up I miss every thing about you right down to every strand of hair on your head and right down to you’re toes.  I can’t wait for you to come home. You’re family misses you a lot too and they love you so much, and are super proud of you as am I._

 

_I’ll see you in a week love._

 

_Much love,_

_Harry_

_Dear Harry,_

_I miss that sill. I remember me & you would always sit cuddled up on it and just look out into the city, we would sit there hours just smiling, laughing and drinking tea. I miss home so much I wish I never got forced to do this & I could be home with you._

_We had so many plans the future & Now we have to wait until I come home to peruse them together. I know you always wanted a little daughter & you would name her Darcy, you will be the best dad ever do you here me?_

_I know I am talking like I won’t be here in the future & There is a reason for that._

_Harry Edward Styles I love you so much you are my life, I live this life to protect you & I won’t be able to do that anymore… I love you & all our memories we had through 6 years of being together. I loved you ever since I meet you freshman year & A few months later when we got together I fell even more in love with you._

_My favourite memory of us has to be the lazy days where we just stayed in & kept each other company they were incredible.  I love with every fibber of me being & I always will no matter where I am, okay you have to know that._

_I probably won’t be able to write to you anymore, you see I am in the hospital over here, with a gun shot in my chest. I am hooked up to all these different machines and it hurts to move to write you this letter, but I had to write you this because I couldn’t bare not to even if I am in pain._

_I got shot earlier today they put me through sergy to get the bullet out… I’m sorry if I am scaring you please don’t be scared baby I hate seeing you upset it kills me.  Nobody seen it coming though because the person came out of know where, but when he shot me my team went and killed him right on the spot. They hauled my to the nearest hospital._

_I don’t think I am going to make it. Its getting really hard to breathe and my chest is really hurting, also I am starting to loose my eyesight. I am sorry if I am scaring you again I just wanted this to come from me & not some stranger in the military._

_I think this is it I can’t stand to sit up much longer… I am sorry for the tears on this letter I was hoping none would fall but it’s too late._

_I want you to know that I love you with all my heart & I’ll still look after you up in heaven and look after you. Please don’t do nothing stupid I love you so much baby._

_Let my family and our friends know that I love them too and tell them thank  you for everything they have done for me, us._

_Stay strong with for me_

_I love you forever & always_

_Zayn_

_Dear Zayn,_

 

 _You can’t be dead no, no you just can’t. There is so much we haven’t done together! We haven’t gone to_ Paris _and had a romantic candle light dinner on the Eiffel tower. Or we never went sky diving together like we always wanted!_

 

_We haven’t had a child Zayn please this can’t be happening. My soulmate can’t just die because of a stupid man, please no. I don’t think I can take this is think I am going to be sick._

 

_I can’t believe this. We had our life all planed out & everything was perfect! But then the stupid government had to call & Make you go to war against your own free will! I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but I let you go anyways. This is all my fault; its all my fault my husband is dead._

 

_This whole thing is all my fault I should of never let you go because if I never than you would still be alive! & we would be here in our flat together cuddling and watching something pointless on the telly._

 

_I just can’t process this I just can’t. I feel like I am slowly dying my heart is beating so fast too fast, I think I may have a heart attack._

 

_I remember the day you left like it was yesterday._

 

_I told you that I don’t want you to leave and you told be to be strong because you would be coming back, I cried a lot that day.  You told me to get strong until you came home but now you’re not coming home so how am I supposed to ‘stay strong’ when your gone? I am dying I- I  just don’t know what to do._

 

_I don’t know how to stay strong when you’re not with me! I just want to die. When I first got your letter I couldn’t believe it, Louis was over at the time when I got it & I scared him because one moment I am all calm & the next I am hysterical he didn’t know what to do. I just started sobbing and screaming and I hit the wall a couple times, I also kept shouting why like I would get some answer._

 

_I just feel like this is all my fault like I could of somehow prevented all of this._

 

_I have no clue why I am writing this if you’ll never get it I suppose it is because it still feels like I am talking to you, like I wish I was doing right now but life is full of holes in the road._

 

_I love you & I’ll love you until the day I die._

 

_So much love,_

 

_Harry_

_Dear Zayn,_

_I am still writing you these letters because it makes me feel like there is still a piece of you left when I do. I miss you so much, too much. I haven’t been the same since you left a week ago._

_Your funeral was a couple days ago and it was the hardest thing of my life to go through that & seeing you laying there lifeless in that coffin, I had to get taken away from the funeral by my mum because I couldn’t bare to see you like that.  It was I don’t even have words to describe how I felt Sadness, Anger, Angst, Overwhelmed I don’t know all I know is that my heart was breaking even more._

_I wish you were still here with me, with your family & our friends but mostly me. I know I am sounding really selfish but I can’t help it I just miss you so much and want you back but that is never going to happen._

_I wake up in the morning next to a cold bed and I am all alone, just laying there.  I often sleep in one of your shirts just so I can feel close with you._

_I am shutting everyone out, they keep trying to talk to me but I can’t get the will to talk to them I just don’t know. I am going back into my depression & it’s scaring me but I can’t help myself._

_I just want to die, I don’t know if I can stay on this earth knowing you’re not on it much longer._

_I am trying the best I can but do you know how hard it is to go out in public & someone you know come up to you & keep saying how sorry they are for your loss? Or having our friends & family always giving me sympathetic looks? It hurts too much._

_I was looking at our wedding picture yesterday and then I just couldn’t anymore, I threw it at the ground and started sobbing and screaming, I just lost it. I was so close to just giving up but then I thought I can’t give up right now because things will get better right? Wrong._

_Life has only gotten worse. I can’t pay the bills anymore because I can’t get out of bed to go to work, because I’ll start crying. Also I haven’t been eating because I have all you’re favourite food in the fridge that I stocked up on because I thought you were coming home… but then you didn’t, I am extremely thin but I don’t care. Also I have huge bags under my eyes because I no longer sleep because when I do I have nightmares._

_But I don’t care about any of that because I only want you, and I will soon be with you again._

_Much love,_

_Harry_

_Dear Zayn,_

_I’ve made up my mind I can’t live in this world if you are no longer in it. I know this may seem stupid of me and maybe a little cheesy for saying but I can’t live with out you, so I’m not._

_I am emotionally dead so why not be physically dead too? I have a bottle of pills with me right now, and a bottle of vodka. I am taking the first pill as we speak. Do you remember this song? It was our wedding song._

_Every time our eyes meet_   
_This feeling inside me_   
_Is almost more than I can take_   
_Baby when you touch me_   
_I can feel how much you love me_   
_And it just blows me away_   
_I've never been this close to anyone,_   
_Or anything_   
_I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams_

_I don't know how you do what you do_   
_I'm so in love with you_   
_It just keeps getting better_   
_I want to spend the rest of my life,_   
_with you by my side_   
_Forever and ever_   
_Every little thing that you do,_   
_Baby I'm amazed by you._   
  
_The smell of your skin,_   
_The taste of your kiss,_   
_The way you whisper in the dark._   
_Your hair all around me,_   
_Baby you surround me_   
_Touch every place in my heart_   
_And it feels like the first time_   
_Every time._   
_I want to spend the whole night_   
_In your eyes_

_I love you for ever & always. See you soon._

_Love, Harry_

_Author’s P.O.V_

_After Harry wrote down the song he down the bottle of pills with the vodka and just looked down at the piece of paper in his hands, then he looked up at the ceiling and mouthed ‘I love you’ as he went over to lay down on the bed._

_He slowly started to loose his vision and soon feeling in his body as he slipped into un consciousness. He had a smile on his face and he left this world to meet his beloved in the next._

_His friend Liam found him a few hours later and called a ambulance, the paramedic’s tried to revive him but it was too late he was gone._

_Family and friends cried a lot the day that Harry Styles died, November 15th to be exact._

_His funeral was the following Wednesday and all of his loved one’s showed up and said heartfelt words about the young boy._

_Meanwhile Harry was watching them say everything about them while in the arms of this love. His one & only. He was back in the loving arms of his boyfriend. They shared a quick kiss before going back up into the sky with his beloved and gave a smile to everyone down at the funeral, he made the sun shine a bit more as he was leaving as a sign to tell them that he is in a better place now, and forever will be._

_______________________________________

Donee


End file.
